We’re all Albert Pujols fans now
Well, we believe in exit velocity, bat flips, launch angles, stealing home, the hanging curveball, big league chew, sausage races, and that unwritten rules of any kind are rampant, overrated crap. We believe that Greg Maddux was a real magician. We believe there should be a constitutional amendment protecting minor league baseball and that pitch framing is both an art and a science. We believe in the sweet spot of WARPing instead of going to war, getting you closer to a two-inning save, and we believe that love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too.
Welcome to The Moonshot.
We’re all Albert Pujols fans now
Making history in baseball is always magical.
Making baseball history in front of your own fans takes the moment to another level.
As Albert Pujols strives to become only the fourth player in MLB history to hit 700 home runs, I humbly beg the baseball gods:
Make it happen in St. Louis.
When the Philadelphia Phillies won their first championship in 97 years, they did it at home; The celebration was so loud that police and K9 units had to guard the field.
When the Red Sox ended their 86-year spell in 2004, it happened on the streets. Ironically, in St. Louis. The Sox celebrated on another team’s field in front of a stadium with only a small fraction of their fans. The same thing happened again in 2007 when they swept the Colorado Rockies. It wasn’t until 2013 that the Sox won it all at Fenway, the first home clinch game since 1918.
The Chicago Cubs have never won a World Series at home. Their 108-year drought ended in Cleveland, despite it being one of the greatest Game 7s in baseball history.
David Ortiz’s 500th home run came at one of baseball’s saddest stadiums, Tropicana Field. Instead of the Green Monster, a ceiling full of rickety scaffolding and an aquarium provided the backdrop for his triumphant success.
The baseball world is currently watching as Pujols tries to do something even rarer. Twenty-eight players have hit 500+ home runs, only nine have ever hit the 600 mark. The 700 Club currently consists of three people: Babe Ruth (714), Hank Aaron (755) and Barry Bonds (762). Pujols would be the oldest of the four and perhaps the last player to ever join the club. The next two active leaders are Miguel Cabrera, who joined the 500 club this year, and Nelson Cruz, who reached 459.
Only 10 active players, including Pujols, even have 300 home runs.
Ruth founded the club on the street when the Yankees played the Tigers in Detroit on July 17, 1934. Aaron and Bonds joined the club with home runs in 1973 and 2004, respectively. How hard could it be for Pujols to pull it off in St. Louis? Most of his 14 home runs so far this season have hit the street, including the last three. Between the two iterations of Busch Stadium he has played at (there have been three), 212 of Pujols’ 693 homers to date have been hit in St. Louis. He returned to his first team this year after a long stint with the Angels that ended in an offensive manner: They released him in 2021 and the Dodgers picked him up for the rest of the season. This year he came home determined to finish where he started. He says he will retire at the end of the season whether he hits 700 or not.
Pujols could be the last player to even get that close to 700 home runs; Most players these days don’t last 22 seasons, and most players aren’t Albert Pujols anyway.
Watching Pujols aim for 700 is the epitome of what makes this game so special. It’s a chance for all of us to experience greatness, to see magic disrupt reality. The baseball world holds its breath with every shot. We lean forward in our seats and wonder if this is the moment he takes a step closer. If he makes it all the way there, we’ll remember where we were when he made the almost impossible possible.
It will be a historic, monumental achievement no matter where it takes place, but it will mean so much more at home. The Cardinals have 16 home games left in the regular season to make it.
May he end his quest where it began.
Why don’t the Red Sox just help the Yankees?
“Bases loaded again?” I grunt at the bearded Lifer in the threadbare Red Sox cap who sits next to me at the pretzel-dust-covered bar. The grunt is 70 percent pained, 30 percent hopeful in the face of the possibility of failure in a way I just can’t shake. Sixty-five percent of the torments are forced and wrong.
Because, you see, I despise the Boston Red Sox to the core. Your season is never really over. Even after the 162nd game is complete, it’s fair to expect a skinned fist to emerge from an unmarked grave and sing “Sweet Caroline” (yes, the voice is coming from the fist). Even with the Sox sitting many games behind many other teams in the AL wildcard chase, it’s impossible for my body to shut them out. And yet, when they play the Blue Jays and Rays at Fenway Park, I have to. I gotta pretend they were killed a long time ago, I gotta put on a brave Bostonian face, and I gotta cheer cheer cheer someone else’s home team.
And yet…they just CAN’T beat the Blue Jays. They keep disengaging, something I claimed would never and could never happen. So here I am, staring at a license plate-covered wall, sipping something called “Margarita,” which is cherry red, nudging a 72-year-old sailor to show compassion, safe in our shared pain.” Pain? PAINS?! After four World Series in two decades?!” I slide in deep while really hitting the knotted wooden pole after Bobby Dalbec swung over a telegraphed slider. “Bobby has to go,” I say, not secretly hoping that Bobby will stay and keep thrashing about.
The Sox play the Rays in two separate series during the important month of September. Hopefully it doesn’t matter to them – to “us” – and they can play with peace of mind. But when they start playing reckless and improve too much, I turn to pretzel dust.
Kiké Hernandez finished ninth with a double. Somehow the bases are loaded, no outs are wasted. You never do this. Do they always do this? I can’t keep track of things.”
This team just hurts me,” the sailor growls.
“Nothing but hurt? Come the fuck,” I say a little too loudly. Probably on purpose. I whisper into a megaphone I brought with me.
Stache N Gas was Atlanta’s feel-good hit of the summer
While we’re all chilling on Fried Day hoping Kyle has the Wright stuff and that Chuck is pushing every fifth day, nothing is quite as true as Stache N Gas hitting the rubber in Braves Country, okay.
Spencer Strider was everything we could ever have hoped for in a rookie starting pitcher and then some. It’s Atlanta’s feel-good hit of the summer. Queens of the Stone Age and 300 likes ain’t got nothing on you bro! (SUMMERTIME LOVER!!!) Strider brings more than 100 heat to the stage with a mustache that would make Tom Selleck insanely jealous. Strider is the guy you shouldn’t worry about as well as the man many men aspire to be.
The Quadfather is the king of his domain. Instead of playing Quidditch like a nerd outside of Myers in Athens, this Clemson man is more inclined to pump up the jam than this mad football coach named Dabo. The only difference between Strider and Swinney is that one likes The Strokes and the other likes to move it, move it.
You only live once but someday we’ll talk about last night and the good times we had between 12:51. I feel like we’re watching Sam Elliott’s grandson squirt absolute gas out of the hill every fifth day. We wouldn’t want it any other way.
While it remains to be seen whether Strider will be the next John Smoltz or the next Steve Avery, Braves Country comes closest to Fernandomania.
Why do you think Truist Park was handing out fake staches to the people at the gate the other day? The Braves know it and we know it. This guy is awesome and he’s here to stay!
If you can’t handle the heat, step out of the kitchen, or in this case, the dough box.
Baseball for the ears
Please compensate a little
The balanced schedule is new and exciting for next season. This schedule allows all teams, regardless of league or division, to play each other at least once during the regular season. While there are likely bugs in the system (as in almost everything), it’s a big step in the right direction.
The well-balanced schedule stands for high entertainment value and lets stars from every league compete against each other. With the new balanced schedule, Juan Soto will face off against Aaron Judge and Shohei Ohtani against Jacob deGrom in the regular season. It brings every epic matchup into play and 2023 will show MLB fans things they’ve never seen before.
Three must-read stories from the MLB division
Dear Miguel Cabrera, please retire from the Detroit Tigers — At the beginning of the year, when Miguel Cabrera turned 3,000. Chasing a hit to go along with 500 home runs, no one would have thought it was time for the Hall of Famers to hang up their cleats. However, it’s now the end of August and he’s only hitting .257 with .308 on base and all 13 extra base hits. Everyone believes he should be allowed to retire on his own terms, but Motor City Bengals contributor Scott Daniel questions if it’s really how we’d like Cabrera to be remembered if we’re a player who once played at at the pinnacle of the sport, see it on your plate every day.
MLB’s best pitches (and best bats against them) – Make yourself comfortable and get going. Call to the Pen contributor Kevin Larson takes a look at some of the best pitches in baseball and which hitters can possibly own them. Although there are a number of well-known players in this story, there can also be a surprise or two. Dig in.
The St. Louis Cardinals are the perfect trade target for Mike Trout – With the ongoing turmoil for the LA Angels, from injuries to constantly missing out on the playoffs to a looming ownership change, the idea of signing a player like Mike Trout or Shohei Ohtani is enticing. Redbird Rants’ Josh Jacobs argues why the Cardinals would be a perfect trading partner to acquire superstar Mike Trout. Their rivals, the Cubs, might also have their eye on an Angels star.
https://fansided.com/2022/08/29/albert-pujols-chasing-history/ We’re all Albert Pujols fans now
