Dear Amy: I’m 50 years old. When I was 15 years old my father had an affair and left. My mother and I struggled for several years.
When I was 17 years old, he had a baby with another woman. My father and his new family live within 30 minutes of us, however, I rarely see him.
At one point when my children were in their teens, he apologized for not being in their lives, citing that he was also raising young children.
I have a better relationship with the local grocery store employee than with my father and half-sister.
About eight months ago, I wrote him a heartfelt letter telling him how I’ve felt over the past 35 years about the whole situation: leaving his family, excluding me from his new family. him, and not around to watch my children grow up.
His response was “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
I texted him on Facebook during the holidays, but that’s all.
My problem is that he still won’t take responsibility for what he’s done to people’s lives. His comment about, “I’m sorry you feel that way” makes me have a bigger grudge than before.
– Boys are holding a rage
Dear Organization: You did all you could to try to put your dad on the scale. And now you are knowing that the man who abandoned his wife and son many years ago is also incompetent to control his actions, apologize and try to make everything right for you or your child. friend.
When you think carefully about it – it’s all on track.
Your dad is sorry you feel this way, but he just didn’t have the guts to inspire you in another way.
You’re holding a grudge, and with all your efforts, you’ll hold your grudge tighter, so I’ll call a punishment in this play for “Holding”.
Back five yards. Loosen your grip, because this grudge, and the anger you feel, is one more way your father is hurting you.
Let it go now, and you will experience true liberation.
You deserve more than you have, and you’re doing what good parents everywhere strive to do: You’re giving your children better than you already have.
Dear Amy: My daughter “Samantha” has a lovely home.
She and my son-in-law are wonderful people.
When I look at their families, I reflect and I feel like a good mother.
I carried the baggage of my own crazy family, and I tried so hard not to let my own background dictate my life.
I’m driving myself crazy about this small but really huge situation – for me.
Samantha has an indoor wall with many family pictures arranged on it.
I am not on this wall. There are photos of other family members – some of whom she has said she doesn’t even like.
I felt left out and as if I wasn’t good enough to be there. I realize it’s my own baggage, but I can’t help it.
I know if I say anything to anyone, I’ll be seen as overreacting.
How to approach this? Should I? Am I overreacting?
– Feeling left out in CA
Feeling loved being left behind: When looking at a photo gallery of a loved one, I think it’s a common motivation to find myself. When looking at your own child’s photo gallery, this urge is magnified many times over.
Please, tell this to your daughter. Don’t overwhelm her with your complicated emotional reactions, but ask her, “Hey, if I could find a good picture of the two of us from your childhood – and let you choose frame – would you be willing to find a space on your wall for it? “
Dear Amy: Thank you for sending a very poignant letter from “A Grateful Parent,” about how her daughter’s friends showed up for her while her daughter was dying.
As a retired healthcare nurse, I know those friends who perform such meaningful acts just by sitting, taking a nap, or reading a book.
They helped pass the time.
I will never forget a young female patient who had a group of friends come in every Sunday and polish, do her hair and manicure, and laugh.
Within hours, the patient felt fine.
– Hospice nurse
Dear Nurse: This is a good way to comply. I hope others are inspired by this example.
https://www.denverpost.com/2022/01/17/ask-amy-long-term-grudge-earns-a-penalty-for-holding/ Long-standing grudges earn a penalty for “retention” – The Denver Post