Model Ireland Baldwin opens her first pregnancy after giving birth to her daughter Holland.
The new mom had previously decided to keep her pregnancy a secret from Instagram but felt her experience was too important not to share.
Ireland Baldwin admits she struggled with anxiety during her first pregnancy
On Monday, which coincidentally marked Memorial Day in the United States, the aspiring screenwriter got to work Instagram to share an honest message with her millions of social media followers.
“I didn’t really take the time to process it all. Just wanted to leave a note here for moms-to-be,” Ireland wrote in the post. “I know I said I wouldn’t devote my Instagram to content about pregnancy and motherhood, but getting those words across is very important to me and I hope it helps someone just a little bit.”
“Like many of us, I had a lot of problems during my pregnancy. Not just by throwing up all over the place. I don’t miss that. As someone who suffers tremendously from health anxiety, pregnancy kicked everything into high gear,” she explained. “Every thought in my head was about hurting the baby.”
“I hurt myself. finger pointing. I’m doing it all wrong. Do I have too much caffeine? [sic] Am I bending too hard? Was my shower too hot?” she asked. “Am I crying too much? Why am I crying again? Do my feet look swollen? Am I even going to be a good mother?”
“I’ve spent the last 9 months worrying about pulmonary embolism, blood clots and preeclampsia. I read countless pregnancy horror stories and watched negative birth video after negative birth video until I was numb from it all,” she confessed. “I was afraid I wouldn’t make it through the delivery or something terrible would happen.”
“Then everything happened so quickly. When she was born, all this dissolved into nothing. “Until that moment, nothing mattered,” Ireland continued. “I know we’re all different and our birth stories are different, but here’s what I want to share about mine.”
Ireland reveals the ‘sad’ things women have told her during their pregnancy
“I found it quite sad how women bothered to tell me what was going to happen to my body,” she explained. “How having a baby would negatively impact my relationship. How my body would fall apart. My tits would sag to my knees. How I’ll never sleep again
“Then of course few would tell me I’ll never make it without nannies and night nurses,” she continued. “Worse, everyone told me how terribly painful this whole process and recovery would be and that I would never recognize my body. Again, we are all different. Our bodies are different.”
“Nobody ‘wins’. This is not a competition. But here is what happened to me. Almost everything everyone said would happen, but didn’t. The delivery was intense, but I had worse pain. She was born,” she wrote. “My fears are gone. my heart was full I fell in love again for the second time. I’ve lost a lot of sleep, but I don’t give a damn. I could stare at her for hours doing absolutely nothing. A sense of calm has come over me since their arrival, and that in turn has given me a sense of calm.”
“My boobs have changed, but I finally have the Pam Andersons I’ve always wanted. Just a little flopper,” she joked. “My body created life. A brain!! A heart. Small feet! My body is fucking magical. Nobody could tell me otherwise. You’re right, I’ll never look at it the same way. And I do not want to. I would give birth to her 100 more times if I had to.”
“My recovery went smoothly. I’m up and enjoying this weather and being at home with my family,” she wrote. “I couldn’t be more grateful to the parents of my partner and my mother who visited me. My partner and I got through this together and we are an even better team than I imagined.”
“I’ve never been so in love with him,” she continued, referring to her boyfriend RAC. “I’m getting a glimpse of the future dad he’s going to be and it makes me quite emotional. She is the luckiest girl to have him as a father. And my heart breaks for those who are left without a supportive and loving partner as a result. I don’t know what I would do without him.”
Ireland calls birth ‘greatest thing I’ve ever done and will ever do’
“I’m so proud of my body. I am so proud of the work I put into preparing for the birth. I was as prepared as I could be,” she explained. “Without the breathing exercises I learned, I’m not sure what I would have done. I don’t know where I would be without my bad** obstetrician, angel doula and nurses who cheered me on. I guess my moral here is, you got that.”
“Don’t let them tell you how it’s going to be. Life is scary and unpredictable and this process has been terrifying but it is the greatest thing I have ever done and will ever do. Don’t be intimidated by others. Just take a deep breath and enjoy the pregnancy,” she wrote. “Even if you’re a waddling, congested solar system like me. Because now that she’s out, I stare at her little feet kicking the air and remember how it was when she kicked me.”
“I know she was protected by my body and she’s a little human in the world now,” she concluded. “It wasn’t that long ago and I wish I could stop time.”