Introduction to Elden Ring is from software at the most confusing, moody stage

A queen figure stands leaning against a wall like Christ.

Screenshots: From Software / ilory

Dark souls From Studios developer’s next adventure, open world Elden Ring. all good and good, we’ve seen a lot of that already. No, what excites me more is witnessing the game’s incredibly intense trailer in all its glory.

Like many of its “Soulsborne” predecessors, Elden Ring sets its world up in the way of a vast lore dump and some exceptional artwork, but it really does seem like the folks at From Software are trying to outdo themselves with this piece. The exorbitant and unexplained number of proper nouns, while doing a lot to determine the context is largely unknown, makes it seem like a Dark souls parody more than an honest game with kindness.

I mean, just see it for yourself. I dare you to disagree with me.

And since I’m not sure how long this upload will last with publisher Bandai Namco on the hunt for such things, here’s the full text-based narrative:

Falling leaves tell a story.

The Great Elden Ring was broken.

In our house, beyond the fog, the Land of the Middle.

Now, Queen Marika the Eternal is nowhere to be found, and in the Night of the Black Knives, Godwyn the Golden was the first to perish.

Before long, Marika’s offspring, all demigods, reclaimed the shards of the Elden Ring.

A frenzied weakening of their new-found strength triggered the Break.

A war from which no lord arises.

A war leads to the abandonment of Great Will.

Get up now, you’ve been blurred.

Dead, no one lives.

The call of long-lost grace speaks to us all.

Hoarah Loux, leader of the badlands.

The golden mask is always brilliant.

Fia, the Companion of Death.

The hateful Dung Eater.

And Lord Gideon Ofnir, the All-Wise.

I had so much fun imagining George RR Martin enjoying a nice, quiet breakfast, only to have his plate of eggs and potatoes fly as he got up and dashed in. Elden Ring quickly wrote the name “Dung Eater” in explosive inspiration. I’m looking forward to beating Mr. Shitbreath when I finally get into the game. Introduction to Elden Ring is from software at the most confusing, moody stage

Curtis Crabtree

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