Existential MLB Trades, Dumbest Story Of The Season (So Far)

The FanSided MLB team is here with another installment of The Moonshot, our weekly newsletter summarizing all the joy of baseball.

Well, we believe in exit velocity, bat flips, launch angles, stealing home, the hanging curveball, big league chew, sausage races, and that unwritten rules of any kind are rampant, overrated crap. We believe that Greg Maddux was a real magician. We believe there should be a constitutional amendment protecting minor league baseball and that pitch framing is both an art and a science. We believe in the sweet spot of WARPing instead of going to war, getting you closer to a two-inning save, and we believe that love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too.

Welcome to The Moonshot.

Joc Pederson, Tommy Pham, and the Dumbest of Baseball Season (So Far)

Look, this is probably the dumbest thing that’s happened in the past week, or maybe even the dumbest thing that’s happened this season.

That’s actually a good thing.

On Friday, before most fans turned out for the game, while most of the media was far, far away, resulting in only scaled-down, grainy reports of what was happening, The slap heard across the baseball world happened in the outfield at the Great American Ballpark in Cincinnati.

The Reds’ Tommy Pham punched the Giants’ Joc Pederson in the head and started a soiree to clean up the benches in left field over a fantasy football league text message that happened months earlier.
I told you it was stupid.

Drew Koch wrote on the Red Machine blog that Pham is not worth his escapadessince this isn’t even the first time he’s been involved in something stupid.

But let’s take a moment to enjoy this whole stupid moment that crossed our social media timelines and then just kept coming back more details came out.

The past week has been tough. The last few months have been tough. The last two years have been tough.

No matter how seriously we want to take sports, they are there for entertainment, to distract us a bit. So, honestly, it was just nice to have a little comic release on the timeline for a change, no matter how stupid it was.

— Kurt Mensching

baseball, but for your ears

5 wild MLB trades fans need to consider

With the 2022 trade deadline fast approaching (can you believe it?!), FanSided has concocted some juicy bogus deals that will bring fandoms the existential adjustments they might not even know they need!

Pirates fans are trading ‘Debilitating Anger’ for ‘A Blank Stare Into the Distance’

For years, Pirate fans have raged at ownership for burying young stars, refusing to reinvest in the team and choosing not to compete in a winnable NL Central. This deadline swap will bring you a new sense of calm and a 10 mile view across the water of one of the area’s beautiful bridges.

Red Sox Fans Trade ‘A Lifetime Sense Of Fear’ For ‘Realizing They’re The Bully Now’

Boston Red Sox fans have carried a lifetime of dread, fueled by tales of decades of disappointment that have ONLY been short-lived. However, most living Red Sox fans have found nothing but success! Which is very interesting! Boston dug its way out of a giant hole thanks to Trevor Story, whose peripherals were all terrible, suddenly turned a dime and won the AL Player of the Week without any evidence of it having happened before. This trade makes Red Sox fans realize that this always happens and forever!

Mets Fans Trade ‘Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop’ for ‘The Other Shoe’

After taking possession of The Other Shoe, Mets fans can hold it/keep it in a closet instead of dropping it at an awkward time. With a relentless attack, a mediocre division, and aces Jacob deGrom and Max Scherzer still recovering, there’s just no need for that other shoe to show up.

Dodgers fans trade “overwhelming pride in a strong favorite who, at the end of a 60-game season, has won just one recent World Series” for “Pirates Closer David Bednar”

Dodgers fans could use a little humiliation; It should be a disappointment rather than a badge of honor to win so many games in the regular season and come up short so often. Bednar will help cordon off the back end of the bullpen.

Yankees Fans Are Trading ‘Defending Josh Donaldson’ For ‘Not Doing That’

Do not do that!

– Adam Weinrib

3 MLB Division Stories You Must Read

Each week we highlight three of the biggest must-read baseball stories from the past week

Chicago Cubs: Fateful 2021 trade deadline reassessed – The Cubs have been extremely active this past season, with nearly every beloved – or even recognizable – player on the roster being boxed up and sent away while the team began rebuilding in earnest. Cubbies Crib’s Payton Havermann looked back at how some of those deals look now, almost a full season later.

1 little-known potential All-Star from each MLB team – As the All-Star voting drew nearer, Call to the Pen’s Noah Yingling dived deep in his search for potential All-Stars, looking beyond the obvious names.

What is the common denominator of the Philadelphia Phillies’ failure? — The Pittsburgh Pirates are 7 games under .500. The Philadelphia Phillies… are too. That’s a problem like the Phillies have fourth highest payroll in MLB at $233 million. Joe Giradi is reportedly not worried about his job. But should he be? That Ball’s Outta Here’s Gabrielle Starr delved deeper to see why the Fightin’ Phils have been so batterless this season.

— Kurt Mensching

https://fansided.com/2022/05/31/mlb-trades-existential-dumbest-story/ Existential MLB Trades, Dumbest Story Of The Season (So Far)

John Verrall

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