Bryson Stott pulls off a rarely seen platinum sombrero

Philadelphia Phillies infielder Bryson Stott presented the baseball world with an ultra-rare platinum sombrero in Saturday’s 10-3 win over division rivals Miami Marlins.

The only contact Bryson Stott, the ninth-ranked Philadelphia Phillies, had on Saturday was contact with a Miami Marlins backstop.

Yes, the Phillies second baseman donned the rarely seen platinum sombrero. He hit the record five times in The Fish’s blowout win and hit all five record appearances. No contact, no problem, as Stott had no trouble turning a Marlins pitcher into Randy Johnson or Nolan Ryan. This was only the seventh time a Phillies player had pulled off the platinum sombrero.

The only other Philadelphia starter not to record Saturday was catcher JT Realmuto.

Philadelphia Phillies infielder Bryson Stott pulls off the rare platinum sombrero

As the game of baseball becomes more analytical, it’s still very difficult to justify a positioner batting five times in a nine-inning ball game. That means Stott recorded five of the Marlins’ 27 outs by not even touching the baseball. Had he gone into the yard or walked we might have missed it, but anyone reading this can do what they did on the plate.

The good news for Stott is that he’s joining some pretty decent company as the Phillies’ awesome seventh platinum sombrero sick. Other Philadelphia legends to swing or look five times in a game include Andrew McCutchen (2021), Pat Burrell (2008), Scott Rolen (1999), and Dick Allen (1964). Not all heroes wear capes, as some are professionally paid not to hit baseball.

Overall, baseball season is a grind. Stott mustn’t let this go to his head. While he got ninth on the Phillies’ list for a reason, he won’t be a runaway like the boy who couldn’t play live when he was nine, and that’s why his baseball career ended before puberty. Even though we’ve all eaten, when was the last time you rocked that old sombrero?

Here, Stott goes 5-on-5 with five extra base hits to offset this ridiculous display of batting.